5 Tips To A Healthy Marriage

Recently I’ve been asked our “secrets” to a happy marriage.

With it being our 20th anniversary this month, I thought it would be a great time to share our thoughts on why our marriage has been so successful.

But please hear me, when I say successful, I do not mean without issues or perfect. There is no such thing as perfect. However, we do not believe that marriage should be hard on a day-to-day basis. There are hard moments or seasons, but generally speaking it shouldn’t be hard.

OUR 5 TIPS

1. RESPECT

If you don’t respect yourself, how can you respect others? And, if you don’t respect the other person, how can you have a healthy relationship? When I met J.C. (aka McSmeetchie) he had and still does, have it together (if you know what I mean). He had a strong sense of self, knew God and where he was going professionally, and had a lot of self-respect. I on the other hand, not so much. I might have looked like I did from an outside view, but I was really good at molding to be what I thought others wanted me to be or what I thought I should be. I knew when I met J.C. that I had to get my act together if this was going to work, and with God’s help, I did. 😉

2. GOD

Without this I don’t know how people make it through the tough times, I mean the really tough times that break you. Having a firm foundation and knowing what God’s beliefs and desires are on marriage have gotten us through our hardest times. I believe God wants all marriages to be restored no matter what has happened. When you have God to lean into and guide you, the outcome can be incredible. I didn’t have this firm foundation when we got married, but over time, I grew and evolved and continue to do so in this area.

3. COMMUNICATION

Being seen and heard is something we all desire and need. Also, sharing thoughts and feelings is really important in a relationship. When you give someone the space to be heard, it is an act of love. Listening just to understand, not judge, critique or challenge, just to understand brings your communication to a whole new level. I love knowing about J.C.’s day and he loves knowing about mine. I know it’s hard when you’re tired and tapped out from your day and the kids, but making time for it is a sign of love. It’s about doing what is right, not what you feel like or what is easy at the time.

4. HUMOR

For us this is a big one! It is one of my core values and anyone who knows me, knows that I would much rather laugh than cry. 😉 It really helps that J.C. is flipping hilarious and makes me laugh often. And, at moments, I have had some funny one’s myself that have had us both laughing hysterically. Laughter really is good medicine.

As adults, we laugh so much less than children do, and I believe it’s something we lack and need more of in our adult lives. We don’t have enough fun and laughter in life. We take ourselves so seriously and are so defensive and competitive. Loosen up. Play some music and dance together, watch a funny sitcom or comedian (Sebastian Maniscalco is one of our favorites).

5. BEST FRIENDS

McSmeetchie is my best friend. He’s the person that I want to spend my time with, go on trips with and hang with more than anyone else. I use to hear my friends talk about their best friend and it was always another woman. I use to think there was something wrong with me because my best friend was my hubby. Yes, I am super blessed to have some amazing and very deep and close female friends, but J.C. is and will remain my bestie, and I like it that way.

It’s all about connection. It’s about being seen, heard and accepted as we are. We’ve also been very blessed that we have grown together over the years, thank you Jesus!

But guess what this means? It means you need to be vulnerable. It means you need to let your walls down so you can be fully seen, something I don’t think we do a very good job of in our American culture. How can someone truly love you if they don’t really know you?

I hope that by sharing our tips, they will help you in your relationship.

If you have any tips that have made your relationship work over the years, feel free to share them below, I’d love to hear them.

As always, shine on,
Ali