Recently our church did a sermon on grief, no easy subject (watch the sermon here if interested).
My mid 40’s has been the season of reflecting on the loss of my childhood. No easy task, but one I’m leaning into and healing from, with God’s help of course.
I’ve learned through books and professionals, that our country, sadly does not do grieving well.
Grief is how we deal with the endings in life. It affects us ALL.
We all have loss. And, it’s not just when someone dies, there are many losses in, and throughout life.
- Loss of a job
- Loss of a relationship
- Loss of not being able to have children
- Loss of your childhood due to abuse – verbal, physical and or sexual
- Loss of your life not turning out the way you had hoped or planned
- Loss of your children’s lives not turning out the way you had hoped
Etc.
But know that God is with us during our losses.
Grieve with hope. Hope anchors our soul. – 1 Thessalonians 4:13
We need to enter into our own grief so we can help others with their grief.
What are we to say when someone is grieving?
- SHOW UP
- Less is MORE – “I’m sorry, I love you, I’m here for you”, reach in, hug them, hold them
Some question God’s love. They ask Why me? There’s confusion, disappointment, blame.
Bring all your emotions to God, your anger, your sadness, etc. Bring it all to Him. All your questions. Be real with God.
When grieving, feel all the emotions, don’t stuff them down or ignore them. Trust me, I’ve done this for 40 years, it eventually affects your body. The mind body connection is REAL! I’ve learned that those of us women that have not grieved the losses/trauma of our childhood end up having gut health issues in our our 30’s-50’s. Interesting, huh? Those emotions have to go somewhere when they are not felt and dealt with.
Grief never ends. Grief is like waves, they move in at different times and are different sizes. You ride them out and heal a bit more with each one.
We get stuck if we don’t deal with our emotions. Sadly, I don’t think most of us even realize we’re stuck. I know I didn’t.
A great book about bringing our souls to God and how it grows through loss is a Grace Disguised. In the book he talks about if we are to have a healthy soul (your mind, will and emotions), we need to grieve. Here’s a quote from the book:
“The circumstances are not important; what we do with those circumstances is. In coming to the end of ourselves, we can come to the beginning of a new life―one marked by spiritual depth, joy, compassion, and a deeper appreciation of simple blessings.”
Living authentically means we need to grieve. I know I want to be more authentic, how about you?
When going through grief, we tend to want to gain or have control. We begin to bargain to gain control. I know I needed to have tons of control and never knew why. I’ve gotten tons better, but I still have my moments.
Death was not part of God’s plan for us. God is angry with death, it separates us, it wasn’t originally designed this way.
God weeps when you weep.
God is angry when you’re angry.
Know that Jesus’ resurrection gives us hope!
Be a resurrection person, bring hope! You’ll see them again! Not sure what this means, here’s an article on Becoming a Resurrection Person.
If you’re grieving here are 3 tips to help:
- Find your people.
The people who get it. The people that love you and won’t interrupt you. YOU have to believe you are worth it! So find your people! - If you’re stuck, find a great Christian counselor.
There are counselors through The Crossing Church here in St Louis, and Hope Renewed Counseling is great in Madison, WI. Sorry, those are the only 2 areas where I know good peeps. 😉 - Purchase the a Grace Disguised book.
I pray that you make the time to grieve your losses, no matter how painful they may be. I’m not saying it’s easy, but if you want to be your healthiest, most mature self, sorry to tell ya, but grieving is a must.
And then, as you get unstuck from your losses, and walk in more freedom, you’ll be able to extend God’s love, grace and mercy to others and stand with them during their grief process.
Think about how wonderful the world would be if we were healthier (mind, body and spirit) and a more mature self!
As always, keep shining that bright, beautiful light, that only you have!
Shine On,
Ali
